I originally wrote this back in 7th grade. Let’s make it clear that I was 12 years old. From what I remember, another kid in my Language Arts class did something similar with writing a wacky story. I took it upon myself to go into the basement and write this story in MS-DOS on what I think is a computer with a 286 processor (currently sitting under my bed in hopes of it one day becoming valuable).

After taking my fresh new short story upstairs via floppy disk, I printed off a good 8 copies or so to take to school. A handful of people found it humorous, and since then it has followed me from computer to computer. What started off in DOS as a .txt file, was transitioned to an .rtf, numerous iterations of .doc’s, and currently lives in a Pages document.

What I present to you is purely for interest’s sake. Please don’t judge me.

A Story Everyone can Enjoy

by: Armin Vosough

There once was a man who was named Bob. Bob was very happy. He slept every night and ate three meals daily. You could consider Bob an average man. One day Bob bought a dog from WAL*MART! He named the dog BobTwo. Bob and BobTwo were very happy. They slept every night and ate three meals daily. You could consider Bob and BobTwo normal creatures. One day Bob bought a fish from WAL*MART! He named the fish BobThree. Bob, BobTwo and BobThree were very happy. They slept every night and ate three meals daily. You could consider Bob, BobTwo, and BobThree normal creatures.

Is this the end of the story, you may ask? Well, to that question there is never an answer. As you are reading these words, you are probably thinking about BobFour the cat and BobFive the iguana. To this story there never is an end. You are always thinking about ways to continue this story.

You could stop reading now. No one is making you go on. You could go brush your hair, drive a vehicle, mow the lawn, or watch television. In the next few paragraphs we will explore several things you could be doing other that this. So read on. Let us explore the possibilities.

We will start with the things I mentioned above. You could stop reading and brush your hair. How many times a day do you ask yourself, what does my hair look like right now? If you’re like me, and you probably are if you’ve read this far, you ask that question every time you think about Bob or BobTwo or BobThree or etc. I think about things like this all the time. Your hair, if you didn’t know, is the stringy substance on your head. If you do experiments like I do, and you probably do if you’ve read this far, you have, no doubt, probably tried to pull your hair out many, many times. You have discovered that for some strange reason this “hair” does not come out. We will call the force that keeps hair in “hapopey.” And who came up with the word hair? How crazy! Why don’t they call it something cool like “vermillion?”

< NOW PAUSE AND THINK ABOUT THE QUESTION ABOVE >

Another thing you could do is drive a vehicle. A vehicle is a machine that moves with the aid of an engine. We won’t get into why it is called “vehicle.” Even if don’t have a license, who’s stopping you from doing it. You could get somewhere then. You could go to the store and buy a life. Another added plus is that you won’t be reading this trash. But is it really trash. The world may never now!

Mowing the lawn sounds like fun doesn’t it? I know it does. You could have a nice, short, green lawn. Doesn’t it sound great. You could start a business and make money to give to me. When you’re done, you could have a nice glass of lemonade and sit in the hammock on your nice green lawn. Then you could give me all of your money. I know it sounds like fun, but you would rather read the rest of this.

Watching TV is fun too, right? You could watch pictures of things move. Sounds like fun? Not really. You would rather read this. It doesn’t damage your eyes so much. That means you can see better, which means you can get a better job, which means you can make more money, which means you can spend more money, which means more fun. So, you see, reading this paper will let you have fun! You learn something new everyday, and if you learn something new everyday, then you’d be like super-smart. Anyway. Isn’t having fun great? And everyone loves fun. You know you love fun.

So reader, you see know that you could be brushing your hair, driving a vehicle, mowing the lawn, or watching TV (but now you know that if you don’t watch TV and you read you will have fun) And now, in the next few sentences, you are becoming sadder and sadder because you know that soon this will be over. And when it’s over you can’t read it anymore. And now you’re frowning because you know that this selection of reading will be ending very, very soon. Just remember that the story never ends. you’re always thinking of new ways to continue the story.

THE END

(dramatic music slowly fades out)